Virtual Liberal Lovin'
Die-hard Democrat reporter turns to conservative online dating service Hannidate in search of Valentine's Day companionship
By: Matt Blickenstaff
Issue date: 2/19/09 Section: Opinion/Editorial
Valentine's Day came and went and, once again, Cupid shafted me - not with an arrow in my tuches but with an indifferent shrug of his little winged shoulders.
While the lucky few spent their nights gazing starry-eyed at their sweethearts, I sat at the Way Out Club staring wistfully at retro advertisements for Falstaff and Stag.
My search for a date began a few weeks earlier after I had given up on the liberal chicks at Webster University. I don't know if it was my love of red meat, my disdain for skinny jeans or my insistence on using the word "chicks," but I struck out consistently
and thoroughly.
Bob Dylan once said in a Playboy interview: "You can get sex anywhere. If you're looking for someone to love you, now that's different. I guess you have to stay in college for that."
I suppose that statement holds true if you're Bob Dylan, Conor Oberst or… um… who else are the kids listening to today… Jason Mraz?
The un-hip have to tamp down their expectations a bit.
Where do the Nicklebacks of the world go?
Well, if it's three in the morning and you still haven't found somebody, you go to the living incarnation of an AOL chat room, Pop's Nightclub in Sauget, Ill.
But I wanted to avoid that grim conclusion.
So, I thought on the matter. Where could I find a pool of potential dates who would be more accepting of my backward, regressive tendencies?
Then it hit me - I could go to Hannidate, conservative pundit Sean Hannity's online dating service. I didn't care if his conservative values attracted people whose ideological beliefs were anathema to my own. Sure, it was an act of desperation, but I needed a date, not a running mate.
First, I came up with a descriptive handle to attract as many Coulter-esque beauties as possible: NeoCon For Liaison. Then I provided a catchy headline for my profile: "The mind of William F. Buckley in the body of Rush Limbaugh."
I then had to check off the hobbies I thought would appeal
to the pretty young women of the
While the lucky few spent their nights gazing starry-eyed at their sweethearts, I sat at the Way Out Club staring wistfully at retro advertisements for Falstaff and Stag.
My search for a date began a few weeks earlier after I had given up on the liberal chicks at Webster University. I don't know if it was my love of red meat, my disdain for skinny jeans or my insistence on using the word "chicks," but I struck out consistently
and thoroughly.
Bob Dylan once said in a Playboy interview: "You can get sex anywhere. If you're looking for someone to love you, now that's different. I guess you have to stay in college for that."
I suppose that statement holds true if you're Bob Dylan, Conor Oberst or… um… who else are the kids listening to today… Jason Mraz?
The un-hip have to tamp down their expectations a bit.
Where do the Nicklebacks of the world go?
Well, if it's three in the morning and you still haven't found somebody, you go to the living incarnation of an AOL chat room, Pop's Nightclub in Sauget, Ill.
But I wanted to avoid that grim conclusion.
So, I thought on the matter. Where could I find a pool of potential dates who would be more accepting of my backward, regressive tendencies?
Then it hit me - I could go to Hannidate, conservative pundit Sean Hannity's online dating service. I didn't care if his conservative values attracted people whose ideological beliefs were anathema to my own. Sure, it was an act of desperation, but I needed a date, not a running mate.
First, I came up with a descriptive handle to attract as many Coulter-esque beauties as possible: NeoCon For Liaison. Then I provided a catchy headline for my profile: "The mind of William F. Buckley in the body of Rush Limbaugh."
I then had to check off the hobbies I thought would appeal
to the pretty young women of the
Be the first to comment on this story