The Journal

On Halloween night, boys and girls will deck themselves out, dress up, hit the pavement and put a hand out for goodies. But every holiday has its fair share of scrooges and for every sweet treat there'll be some curmudgeon passing out inedible swill. Here are some of the top crushers of Halloween spirits.

Wax Lips: These little confections may be fun to bite, but they're no fun to eat. Try chewing one of these gross concoctions and prepare for a mouth full of gritty wax. In general, people wouldn't eat a red crayon dipped in Splenda, so kiss these babies goodbye.

Pennies: Mass can be deceptive. Just because it thunks into your pumpkin pail doesn't mean you've scored a weighty treat. A dollar in pennies isn't a gift, it's a chore. What is someone supposed to do with a handful of copper besides chuck it back at the stingy household that gave it out?

Raisins: Fruit? Seriously? Dried fruit's been ruining cookies, oatmeal and bagels for years. The last thing kids want in their candy bowls is a box of stuff they normally pick out of their food.

Weird black and orange things: These gruesome creations are more like peanut flavored bathtub caulk than anything kids would want to put in their mouths. If kids wanted to eat flavorless glue, they'd eat their mothers' cooking.

Chocolate Santas/Candy Canes: Those cheap bastards. They're not fooling anybody with that stale offal. If they pulled it from a dusty box in the garage, it's not suitable to eat. And if someone hands out year-old candy, it's bag-o-flaming poo time.

Wax Soda Bottles: Sugar, water, purple. Three simple ingredients fit for a hummingbird, wrapped up in an easy-to-tamper-with wax container. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Point away from face!

Mints/Hard Candy: Lemon drops and Werther's Originals are for seniors with no teeth and time to suck. Every Chinese buffet in America has a bowl of this crap sitting out for anyone to grab. On the plus side, these rock hard sugar bombs make great slingshot ammo.

Fun-Sized Anything: What's more fun about less candy? 'Nuff said.

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